This is Morgan and My Parent Survival Kit (or “Some Stuff That Worked for Us and Might Work for You Too”)

Originally written in 2005 to share with friends and family. I think a lot of this is more common now than it was back then. This is just from our parenting point of view, things that worked for us at the time.

My lessons I learned about breastfeeding:

1. Keep the baby's nose above the imaginary horizontal line that bisects your nipple so they are sitting up more than laying on their side. 

2. Baby to the breast, not breast to the baby. Which is a simple way of saying always bring the baby up to you instead of leaning down to them. (it will save you a bunch of back pain also)

3. Pop them off the nipple by hooking the pinkie into the corner of their mouth to break the latch as soon as it gets uncomfortable or they bite.  You can then relatch in a more comfortable position or switch sides. 

4. To latch onto the breast hold the back of the head, place the chin under the nipple and wait for them to open their mouth wide into a gape, then bring baby fully onto the nipple when a lot/the majority of the areola will fit in the mouth.

5. By the way the third day and third week are the WORST! Make sure to have the phone number of a lactation doula or consultant ready…there is no minimizing how difficult it can be and you want your resources already available if you need them.

Those first two rules are the first way you are thinking of your baby as a person. YOU wouldn't be able to drink anything laying on your back. Try it and see how difficult it is to swallow water pouring down your throat. Don't expect the baby to have super powers that you don't have. You also want the milk to be able to pool inside the baby's mouth since your saliva mixing with the milk is the first stage of digestion. This is a huge step to avoiding colic! 

Lying In Time

Having time, some cultures recommend at least 3 to 6 weeks, to just lay around, heal and bond is the transition into parenthood. It can be a great way to try to avoid postpartum depression and if you do end up with PPD then lying in time is already programmed in to seek support and have good healing time. If you have community support of meal delivery, house cleaning, hand me down drop offs, etc… avoid playing hostess, they are there to support you. Don’t feel self conscious about someone visiting doing some dishes, tidying up, or heating you up some food. 

The other three things that worked for Morgan and I were swaddling, sign language and co-sleeping.

The 5 Ss To Calm an Upset Baby

Swaddling, Side-lying, Shushing, Swinging/shimmying/bouncing, Sucking

We are ever grateful to the parents that clued us in on the 5 S's, it really does work like a miracle (see videos below). Sometimes you can get away with the first 2 or 3, sometimes you really have to do ALL 5 at once together for it to really work. Don’t be skittish about really getting into it, imagine what life was like when inside the womb and try to duplicate that. WATCH ALL THE BELOW VIDEOS, each one adds a bit on how to have the techniques be really effective.

Swaddling- Someone gave us a video tape that showed the best swaddling technique ever. Morgan is still proud of his ability to swaddle a baby like it is a calf roping competition, the nurses at the hospital were super impressed with his technique. The swaddling keeps them tight and secure while sleeping like they felt in the womb.

Side-lying/Stomach- Cradle them across your arm on their side, sometimes they like to be tipped forward a bit on their front. Don’t lay a baby on their stomach when swaddled on a bed, they can’t push themselves up to get off their face, this side/stomach position is only for this arm cradled calming technique. If they just ate make sure they lay on their left since that is the side the stomach empties on.

Shushing- It is loud in in the womb, a loud shushing in their ear mimics the sound of the circulatory system and other noises coming in.

Swinging/Swaying/Shimmying- Babies in utero are moving with your diaphragm, walking, dancing, running, getting up and down from a chair, etc…

Sucking- I just used my pinkie, some people use thumbs or pacifiers.

https://youtu.be/6OtPSfyZXNw?si=GYRb3E7eVYENnIP5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRkRlvPGywM

https://youtu.be/fNEG4ALmAsA?si=uz57tyLEC7C0_Fxa

https://www.facebook.com/reel/840337204413107

Sign Language

In high school my nephew's second language class was sign language. During school he read an article that said baby's hand and brains developed faster than their vocal cords so they are able to sign earlier than they can speak. We pursued the baby sign language because we figured otherwise it would be like being trapped in your own head without having the ability to communicate to the outside world, sounds like some horrific sci-fi movie, emerging onto a planet and not being able to communicate. We started signing simple things as we spoke to her from the very start…bird, car, eat, milk, ouch, etc. She was able to tell us things like "wet diaper", "milk", "hungry", "hurt", "mommy" and "daddy" instead of just crying and us trying to decipher which cry it was. At 11 months she told me "I hear birds outside". Seeing as she was not able to speak sentences until just before 2 years she would have had all those thoughts trapped inside her head…again sounds like some horrible movie where the alien that landed on a planet could speak with their hands but not their mouths and everyone only spoke with their mouths and did not understand their hand language. 

Co-sleeping

Co-sleeping and extended nursing also meant that I got a bunch of sleep. I really like sleep and if you have some sort of co-sleeper or have them in bed with you then when the baby stirs you can just pick it up and latch on and doze off again. I was SOLD on this the first night! Ava could "sleep thru the night" with about two to three feedings a night. I almost felt guilty about being blissfully rested while I listened to other parents talk about getting up all night to fix bottles or go to another part of the house to retrieve the baby, all I had to do was sit up and pull her to me to nurse and doze. Babies’ sleeping habits will change and Ava did have times when her sleep schedule flipped. I just made sure I slept when she slept to keep myself coherent and calm and house cleaning be damned. I took naps with her for the first four years of her life and I was a much nicer person for it probably. 

To co-sleep I use this “on the bed” co-sleeper like Baby Delight Snuggle Nest Harmony Portable Infant Lounger, available at Target or Amazon. There are many other sleepers that sit and/or attach to the side of the bed if you aren’t going to have them on the bed. 

I ended up having her sleep with her head at the bottom of her little bed so that I could just open my eyes and look at her breathing (you do this a lot) without having to pick myself up and look over the little rail. It also helped picking her up to nurse to just sit up and reach to pick her up without having to twist to pick her up. I pulled the nightlight out and flipped it around to face the wall and left it on all night so the ambient light meant I could see her or that Morgan didn't have to turn a light on in order to reach over me to retrieve her to change her diaper (that was his nighttime duty since he doesn't have boobies). 

Nothing ever works perfect and at some point in time their sleeping schedule will flip to where they stay awake all night and sleep all day and you will think you have achieved a new level of hell. Just follow their lead and sleep when you can. Remember that before birth you are one organism and sleep and eat at the same times. Don’t expect the baby to shift off that symbiotic time, sleep when they sleep, eat around the times they eat…very slowly move them off that schedule. Napping with them is blissful and bonding.

Cloth Diapers and ECing (Elimination Communication)

We did cloth diapers. We chose cloth for environmental and monetary reasons, and for helping Elimination Communication/ECing. A cloth diaper cannot wick the moisture away from the body as well as disposable ones so they are more uncomfortable. Ava was taught the baby sign for “change” when she wanted her uncomfortable diaper off. This kept her aware of her bodily functions and was supposed to make potty training easier. We also had her little potty in the bathroom from an early age and she would sit on it when we sat on ours doing mirroring behavior. She did potty train a bit earlier than her friends but so did her daddy so was it genetics or environment? shrug

We washed the diapers at the neighborhood laundromat which got them cleaner than a small home washer (Morgan prefers going to a laundromat after work to get it all done in 1.5 hours instead of doing laundry at the house all week). We dumped the poop in the toilet and soaked poopy diapers in Oxyclean solution all week. The dirty diaper baskets were kept outside on a covered back porch so the house didn't smell. We used little covers that velcro or snap shut (the snap ones lasted longer). 

“Solid” Food

Standard physiologic practice is to wait for “solids” until baby starts reaching for your food. Baby will eat better if you mash up what you are already eating because they are used to that smell in the home and the taste if you are nursing. The creation of baby food is a billion dollar industry when you already make food in your home every day that you can just feed while you eat. Adults do have more of a tolerance/taste for bitter foods, like Brussel sprouts, so don’t be too disappointed if they turn some things down. If you are eating things not mashable, like toast or crackers, you can have things like sweet potatoes already baked (400 degrees for one hour in an oven) or avocado. Too spicy? You might try them on it anyway, I have seen many babies and toddlers love spicy food (I grew up in Houston). The only food to avoid is honey since they don’t have the ability to digest it until around the age of 1 year. 

Eating when the rest of the family eats creates healthy meal practices and mirroring of adult behavior, which is how the young of all mammals learn to eat. When our family had separation of meal times early on it was full of struggle and we thought Ava was a picky eater. Some very practical parents told us that babies just reach for what you have...baby thinks "Looks like you are enjoying that, can I have some?" Ava ate better if the family was sitting and eating so she could mirror the behavior. Even if it is just snacks, sharing and enjoying together will clue them in what people do and give them behavior to model after.